Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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