I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
