Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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