Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize