discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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