dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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