Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
