Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
