im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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