i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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