went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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