You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Only a mothe r could love this liver
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
