If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Watching her eat just hurts me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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