yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
