note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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