My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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