You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
