shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
