Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
