Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
