oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize