Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
