Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
