At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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