Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
