That's intense
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
