Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
