I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize