he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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