When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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