Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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