Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize