Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
