we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
