3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
