so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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