dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
