I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's like a pop up book from hell.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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