Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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