No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
