and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
