I think I died a long time ago.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
