I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
