Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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