Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
