ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lost the right to judge tonight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
