My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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