we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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