I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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