So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
