I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
