my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
