Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
