There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
