she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i will never coherently bang her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
