The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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