dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
