So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
