On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
