I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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