highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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