how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
