Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize