It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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