Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
