your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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