i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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