Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
