Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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