I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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