before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
