went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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