why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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