how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
