toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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