It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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