I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
