She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
