Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
