omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
