he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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