i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
