i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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