Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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