Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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