At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize