Ketchup is God's man juice
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
