Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
