The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize