I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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