Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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