everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did i walk over a car last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
