Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
