Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
