I heard we made out
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
