That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
