There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
