I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
