I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
