i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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