i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
